an intentional life

This year started out with me looking around and thinking wow I really love my life…mostly. I think we all have that push in us that makes our quest for perfection unending. I actually don’t think that this quest is a bad thing, as long as it is in the context of quest. Something to strive for but not something that you should expect to accomplish or feel bad that maybe it is not reached. There is a saying shoot for the moon and even if you miss you still and among the stars.

What I am finding out about me is that sometimes I find my self involved in something and it surprises me. This is a silly thing for someone rather obsessed with planning like I am. I think that I enter things thinking oh I have to take care of this or I am just doing this right now. I don’t really think of it and then all of a sudden right now turns in to long term.

Recently I “discovered” that I was my mothers care giver. This is not something I have written about much because well for one mom reads my blog 🙂 and it is been something that l have been processing. So mom I love you and I think your great!

Last July I got this horrible phone call. It was a voice mail because I was changing a diaper and couldn’t get to the phone. It was my dad and he sounded odd. The voice mail said something like “something happened with mom, they called me at the gym. Don’t call me, I’m headed home and they are going to call me with more details. I will call you back” This is not a good voice mail to get. not at all. He called me back and said mom is being air lifted and I said ok your home it takes 20 min to get to my house I will be packed and ready to go by the time you get here. That moment everything was different. We didn’t know in what way yet but the change had already happened.

Clearly we were wondering would she live. She was flown from the first hospital  to UCSF and we got to talk to the doctors. We as a family had to decided and give the ok to have them preform a life saving craniotomy. After we waited for her to wake up, and then we started the recovery process. Through all of this I was pretty much in fight or flight crisis mode. This of course makes sense since it was literally life or death. Months later I’m still in the same place. I am responding to things that come up in a reactionary manner sometimes boarder panic. like little mini heart attacks when my mom says things like “no I don’t remember my surgery but I must of had one cuz I can feel my scar” To be fair this type of memory laps doesn’t happen that frequently but they do happen. And every time I am scared and a little bit at a loss of what to do.

After the last one we had a family meeting. We also reached out to others (particularly a local stroke support) and made somewhat of a plan for what to do next time. To be honest as much as I hate the idea, I know there will be a next time. This is our normal for now and I have gotten to a place where I feel ok about it. I am so thankful that I live close to my mom, so that I can take care of things that need to be taken care of. I am so blessed to be near her when she needs me and just to be able to spend time with her. We are all very lucky that she has recovered as well as she has; which is much better then a lot of people with her experience.

But there is still the stress. The stress and the time that for some reason (hopping it will just go away and everything will be normal again) I have not planed into my days. What I have realized about my self and Life is that while surprises always come up you can plan for them. That is why as kids we had earthquake drills and as a family we have a meet in this part of the st if the house catches fire plan.  You can step back look at your life and ask how do I want to live my life, taking in the parameters of the things I cannot control? What do I want my life to look like or feel like to be like? Then you can start making the changes or shifting focus to honor those wants.

For me I want my life to be full of love and peace and joy. Of course I have circumstances I can’t control but I can control how I look at them and I can make changes to make my home peaceful and joyfully. We can live an intentional life.

What do you want out of life? have you made shifts to make it happen?

Advertisements
Categories: back to basics, daily life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Post navigation

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Throwback at Trapper Creek

An ongoing chronicle of meeting the expectations of the land...

Pocket Glass

An online mirror book.

Br0ken Girl Diaries

“Once, I can’t remember, I was long ago, someone strange. I was innocent and wise, and full of pain. Now that I’m a woman, everything has changed. Once, when I was searching, somewhere out of reach, far away, in a place I could not find, or heart obey. Now that I’m a woman, everything is strange.” – Amalthea from The Last Unicorn.

Sang Rouge Terre Blanc

A Mystery School For The 21st Century

Green Plate Rule

Making healthy meals simple and fun for the whole family.

hecatedemeter

Undermining the Patriarchy Every Chance I Get. And I Get a Lot of Chances (Copyright Preserved)

History Witch

Illustrations & Odd Facts

a willful termination of belief

THE WEIRD FICTION OF MIK DIETLIN

The Daily Post

The Art and Craft of Blogging

Old World Garden Farms

Gardening, Cooking & DIY Living

thistledewmercantileblog.wordpress.com/

The Blessing of the Home is Contentment

The Grumpy Druid

Selected entries from the diary of a 21st Century druid.

Love is my Spirit

An exploration of the Infinite Forms of Love...

Northern Rivers Grove, ADF

Bringing the Ár nDraíocht Féin tradition to Northern NY

Fox and Broom

A mom's adventures in keeping healthy, keeping her sanity, and making stuff.

Urban Meliad

Feminist Witch talks Magic, Animism, Local Food, Goddesses, Urban Agriculture, Fibre Arts, and Preserves

While Chasing Kids

Russian mom posts about things that happen in and around her kitchen

theINFP

I aim to bring delight to others by sharing my creative endeavours

Poison Magnolia

When You Have Eliminated The Impossible, Whatever Remains, However Improbable, Must Be The Truth.

petit4chocolatier

food, writing, life, and other things in-between

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

A Green(ish) Life

Combining permaculture, serious crafty skills and a deeply instilled sense of wonder to lead as green(ish) a life as possible!

Romancing the Bee

Beautiful Beekeeping, English Cottage Gardening, and Cooking with Honey

Lazy Hippie Mama

One woman's attempt to save the earth, promote world peace and raise productive citizens without expending too much effort

Pixiecraft: Adventures of Magick and Devotion

The Life of a Practicing Pagan and Traditional Witch

This Pagan House

Autumn 2013

Lucky Pastels

Lifestyle Beauty Fashion DIY

Serenity Spell

WILD IN FLORIDA: Exploring and Photographing Florida's Threatened Ecosystems, Wildlife, and More

fall in love. take photos. repeat.

the chronicles of a girl with a camera

Witch Reads

magical book reviews

Small Potatoes

Because in MY life, these things are no small potatoes

jerry-mahoney.com

Author, ranter, dad

CATHERINE RYAN HOWARD

She turns coffee into books so she can afford to buy more coffee. And more books.

Eat, Play, Love

making memories through food, wine and travel

The Parenting Passageway

Peaceful Parenting for a Hectic World

Wonder in the Woods

Living and Learning in the Pacific Northwest

The Oracle

The Blog

The Witch of Forest Grove

Animism, Folk Magic, and Spirit Work in the Pacific Northwest

Journey with Julia

Living each day with kindness, compassion, inspiration, and humor.

%d bloggers like this: