love problems

One of the biggest needs of people is to be loved. Sometimes we fail at fulfilling this need because we are looking for an other to fill our love need. This simply will not work. Before anyone can love you, you must.

This is and has been said time and time again. We all know it on some level and yet in our day to day lives we have a hard time acting in a loving way to ourselves. We may use harsh words with our selves that we would never use with our loved ones, and often even strangers. We may choose to make choices that we know will hurt us.  We may (and by may, I mean 99% of women do) put others need ahead of their own and not take care of themselves.

We all know the deal we wear 500 different hats and we want to play each role and accomplish each task perfectly. We also know you can’t pour from an empty cup, but we tend to think our cup has just a little more in so we can keep pouring with out a refill.

lets look at a few consequences of this action. you are pouring all of you out and expect your other (significant or not) to step up and do the same. You think they can build you up. While I believe in reciprocity, this is not what I believe a good example of that is. When this doens’t happen we then sometimes get agrey with our other. We feel they are not doing thier fiar share, their job of filling our cup. They should do thier fair share, and they should make you feel loved, but they are not responsibile for you cup. Only you are. Something else that happens is you pour, pour, pour, and then you are empty. We often hear people say they are burnt out. I would guess that there is very little if any self care going on in thoes situations. We play the maryter card “I can’t take care of me because_________” my kids, hubby, family , friends, job, depends on me can’t do it with out me. How well do these people deal with burnt out you? how well do you deal with them when your burnt out? long story short trust me you are not helping them by not taking care of you.

So how do you fix this? How do you begin to love yourself? 3 little spells and a heap of opinions.

spell one: get a picture frame with glass (if you don’t have one go to the dollar store) get a dry erase pen. Hang the frame somewhere on your wall. Somewhere you see it. Every day write something nice about yourself there. Every day! use your name i.e. “Poppy your a great mom” dare to be bold and write “I love you Poppy” Write a new phrase every day for a least a month. At least.

Spell two: sit quietly as you can, still your mind and bring to mind what makes you happy. What do you see your self doing? Make a list. When you have the list divide it into 3 categories. can do in less then an hour, more then an hour, and more then day. Put your list in to action. I would keep less then an hour list posted in the house or on your phone or date book so any time you have some free time you can pick an activity and do it. Take out your calendar and mark off once a week where you can do more then and hour activities. or once every two weeks. The point is to start taking loving care of you.

Spell three:  write a list of 11 things you do well and are proud of. write a list of 10 things you beat yourself up about for not doing “right”. find a mirror. Look yourself in the eye and say “Poppy, I love you because your a great mom” “Poppy I love you because you could improve your financial knowledge” use your name obliviously.  Start and end with a positive. end with “I love you because you are you. All the different parts of you add up to who you are and I love you”

Loving you is the single most important thing that you can do for you, your family, and your world. You, not anyone else, but you, are in charge of your happiness. You need to keep your cup full. Loving you enables you to look at things and people through the lens of “is doing this, having this, being with this person an act of love or not” You will notice the toxic parts of you life will fall by the wayside and you will be able to pour out of your cup for others in a much more fulfilling way for them and you.

 

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